This is why you're single: Misogyny.com

We have some real...well...you'll see....

Read this ad. You will be VERY tempted to respond. Seriously (not spam)

...Blah blah blah...looking for a submissive...blah blah blah...defining submissive for you...

Perhaps the following scene sums it up. Let's say we are at a formal event for your work. It's your firm's Christmas party and we're all decked out in suits and dresses at the reception hall. I am charming and fun all night long. I speak highly of you to your boss. I make good conversation. The first time I excuse myself to go to the bathroom or get a drink, all of your female co-workers, most of whom are in volatile relationships with men they are constantly trying to compete with and outdo, will turn to you and say "Wow. Good catch! He's handsome...AND charming! He's so nice to you." Here you are, getting all of these compliments on your man from other women (and won't that make you feel like quite the vixen!). As you say your thank yous, a smile appears on your face and you feel yourself getting wet between your legs, as you start thinking about what you're going to be doing for me later. What these women don't "get" and you DO (or WILL) is that my treating you this way makes you WANT to be on your knees later. This treatment makes you WANT to be my devoted girl in public and my submissive whore in the bedroom. To the world we look like the loving, happy "normal" couple. If they only knew the secret world we share together!
My friends don't date losers. But nice assumption, asshole. And not really tempted. Not even a little. Click on the link for the full spiel. Maybe someone out there is this guy's perfect match. But make sure you are ready to move cuz he's in Chicago---but you don't have a life worth anything anyways, right?

Not Sure - 37 (champaign)

I am white 37 have a young child not sure what im looking for friends ltr must like kids outdoors no drugs and not a bitch send me a pix and we might see where we end up
If you haven't seen Idiocracy yet, we can't really be friends anymore until you do. Scurry off now...go watch it so you get this one:

real woman wanted - 50 (champaign/danville/tuscola )
i am a 50plus guy looking for a long term relationship with a woman who understands values like loyalty empathy. not interested in the its all about me women out there. what you have done in the past is not as important.as where your heart and head is today. most men understand that woman are more emotion oriented. why cant women understand men are visually oriented. i am a non drinking or drug taking person. i am a homeowner and retired not tired. have been told by friends that i give too much and i tend to spoil the one i am with. you should be between 40-50. intelligent loyal and a bit quirky. divorce should be a word that you do not believe in. you should have a basic knowledge of what a skirt or dress is. actually possessing them and wearing them is a major plus. the desire to turn a house into a home should be a priority. not looking for a beauty queen but i don't want a drama queen either. tell me about yourself and how to contact . please put loyal in the subject line so i know that you aren't a spam bot. also those who answer this ad with directions that require me to open an account on some website forget it, i dont do that. im not into hookers.
More assumptions. Some women are visually stimulated as well---you are reading the blog of such a female. And a dress? Maybe that's code for "feminine"? Or maybe this guy just doesn't know how to ask for a submissive outright like the first guy.

A non-desperate guy desperately seeking a date! - 30 (Urbana)

Please hurry before I die of boredom! Intelligent, handsome, and recently got out of a relationship, I am in URGENT need some romantic time with a female that doesn't end with plates being thrown at me :). Hoping to go see the ten or eleven fifteen showing of the movie Inception TONIGHT. I'm not picky, I just want someone who's in the mood to smile and laugh, and maybe let me hold their hand. I won't be checking email often, so please call or text me ~only~ if you are up for a spontaneous evening with a charming respectful guy! Hope to hear...
This one is a bit odd. Not desperate but desperately seeking and urgent and near death. This entry was post at 8pm. By 11pm, he'd already given up. Perhaps a little patience would transmit non-desperation better.

Do you still like to neck? - 59 (Danville)

Does anyone over 40 still get a kick out of necking on the couch while watching a movie on TV? A little cuddling, caressing, maybe a foot massage for her. I am a very passionate man who loves to kiss and cuddle. Unfortunately, I live with someone who has lost all interest in necking. My best trait is my oral skills and it is a total shame to waste them. Especially with me being alone all week, sitting home watching movies by myself and wishing someone who enjoys kissing was sitting next to me sharing my popcorn and my talent. You don't have to be naked with someone from the opposite sex to have a great time. Conversation, kissing, and cuddling is also great fun. I will be sitting home alone again Wed and Thur wishing I had someone to kiss. If you are in the same position, we should meet at Wendy's or Arbys' on Vermillion and see if there is enough of a connection to share time together. You only live once and no sense both of being along at night wishing for a little kissing and cuddling when we can share it together. You can even pick the chick flick you want to watch and I will enjoy it right there beside you. Just pick a time between 5:15PM and 8PM and the location to meet in Danville and lets enjoy each other's company while we can.
My mate, who puts up with my viagra-addled ass, is out of town and I need to fill the endless vacuum that is my soul with strangers to mack on. So...you know...if you are free during the three hours a day I'm not busy with other shit, meet me in a skeevy fast food parking lot. I'll be the guy with the dodgy van and the industrial roll of hefty bags.

Lookin 2 give u the best 23 seconds of ur life! - m4w - 23 (Urbana, Ill)

Tall white and sexy. Jp about my title btw. I go to u of I. Txt pix to area code sex for nyne nyne ate ero ero.
I think we *all* know that 23 seconds is still probably too generous.

Wanted: Haircut +++ - m4w - 50 (chambana)

Looking for lady who can give me a haircut and also a happy ending $$$ why not do both please reply with haircut in subject.
This one made me scratch my head at first. I was thinking perhaps this was an attempt to skirt the word massage? But...upon further reflection, I think this guy just really wants a haircut and a handjob. Cuz hairdressers are basically prostitutes, right? *sigh*

Join me for some fun and excitement before Summer fades away! (C/U)

You MUST be;
1) a real caucasion Female age 35- 50 (flexible)
2) Any weight from skinny to needing to lose 20 pounds(but NO more than that).
3) good stamina and a high sex drive
4) Independant, attractive, sexy woman in her own right.

If you can say yes to ALL items #1-4, then you just might be the lady I am looking for.
I am a true gentleman and will treat you with kindness politeness and respect that a lady deserves.
My height is 5 foot seven and I weight almost 200 pounds.
Although I am 55, I am told I look much younger. (I know I can act it. HA!)
I have been blessed with a full head of hair. (see pics)
I have a good sense of humor and am a very passionate & hopeless romantic.
No games, be serious and send along PICTURES, INFO and anything to help expedite this meeting.
To cut down on Spambots and hel assure you are as real as I, put "LEO" in your reply in the subject line
Please conform to my rigid standard based on what makes me horny---but hopefully spelling isn't a turn-on for you. In addition, I'll treat you according to rigid gender roles where you are the submissive. My physical appearance, however, has been stunted in the 70s.

Click through for the real Magnum PI pics included with the ad. I swear...they just pop up like this. Variations on a theme.... And a big thanks to moongrrl for these entries.


sf said...

here is a handy guide you figuring out if its ok to date in those "grey areas"


sf said...



Anonymous said...

Ha! I love these!