This is why you're single: Desperation isn't flattering

Today's edition is sort of a "what not to do" if you are trying not to smell of desperation.

world is spiralling into death - 28 (champaign)

world is spiralling into death
why would you wish to procreate
for only selfish reasons of course

yes i am depressed
why wouldnt you be if you give a damn about the best interest of the world
and by world i dont meant any more people.
i mean what god created
yes we can be beautiful too but we are in his image
we have control over this world
and it is obviously headed past shit
been depressed for a long time
need a woman to pull me out

i just want to learn to live of the land and live in the wilderness, wait for everyone else to die
Cheer up, Emo boy. While I might agree with you on the state of things in the world today, you don't show your despair right away. Scares away the food.

Need someone to snuggle tonight...and maybe for the rest of my life :) - 29 (Chambana- A date at the Beverly?)
Looking to add all kinds of romance to my life. Could you be the one :)? Let's jump right into it... the holding hands, calling each other 'sweety', picking up the phone and knowing that someone will always be on the other end... I'm open on age, I find all kinds of women attractive. I am intelligent, handsome, and at the start of a good career. I'm fine if our date ends up being just a one-time thing, and also more than happy to continue it. We'll just take everything as it comes together and see how it feels!
I'd also like to see the movie 'Inception'. Want to come with me? I don't see many movies in theaters, but this one is so well-reviewed that I feel like the big screen experience would definitely be worth it. I'll buy you some popcorn if you let me hold your hand :). Actually, I'll even buy the tickets if you can drive tonight... my car is currently sick, but I'm getting it fixed this weekend. Write me back soon so we can figure out a showtime, dear!
Let's see, no car. That smells suspiciously like an excuse to hide a lack of a driver's license. And no driver's license breaks one of the cardinal basics required of a potential dating candidate:

driver's license
don't live with parents

I know, I know...picky, picky.

BLACK FEMALES ONLY!!!!!!!!! - m4ww - 27 (URBANA)

lookin for women who share the same interests as me i love hip hop and r and b some of my favorite artists are gucci mane lil wayne tpain 2pac genuwine neyo dru hill just to name a few i like to find a female who likes the same thangs if you are cool and sexy maybe we can be further than friends im into basketball tattoos drinking smoking i smoke newports 420 friendly i love 2 watch porn and i love sex very oral and i like new positions dont like boring sex hit me up if you like what i put in and we can trade pic 4 pic
This one was posted under "Strictly Platonic." I'm guessing he doesn't know what that means.

Saw you at the mall - m4w - 38 (Champaign)
I saw you at Market Place Mall this past weekend. I think I may have caught your eye.

You - very attractive, fit, well-dressed, sexy married woman.
Me - attractive, fit, white male, 6' 190lbs, brown bedroom eyes, just a bit graying.

Would you like to meet for a discrete cup of coffee or iced tea?
Yes, because there was only one attractive, fit, well-dressed married woman at the mall this weekend. I guess, though, if you cast a wide enough net....

crossdresser kennel pet - m4m - 39 (champaign)

looking to be ones pet girl etc. large crossdresser with desires to be ones collared leashed pet. if you have a male dog and would like to see me be his bitch girl or would like to have me collared leashed as a pet or all above please put kennel pet in subject line.
I don't want to see that. Ever. Also, our first bestiality post! Notice, I didn't say last. I have faith....


Narc said...

That third guy? I just want to buy him a big ol' box of punctuation.

moongrrl said...

But but but if you hold Mr. Desperation's hand, he'll buy you POPCORN. That's way better than Mr. Death Spiral, who seems to be the cry all the way through a BJ type.

Rayne of Terror said...

You've got to tag these posts so I can read them all together. This is comedy gold.

Gamera said...

I have tagged all This is why you're single posts. :)

Anonymous said...

Uuummmm, I don't think that a male dog would be interested in a human. I don't care if he/she *is* wearing a collar. Does this person think the only thing keeping these four-legged sexual predators at bay is the invention of the zipper?? I mean, come one. Jesus.