This is why you're single: Looking for love locally

So...today we have a bunch of catching up to do with our series This Is Why You're Single. Our doggedly determined correspondent, moongrrl, was on vacay for a while but upon her return to the grind, she discovered these gems from the local Craigslist. First off, we have a gentleman looking to feed his critters. Wink wink nudge nudge.
assistance? - 47 (Champ County)

I live in a farmhouse w outbldgs, peaceful setting, have cats and dogs, dish tv, ac, etc.
Kind of laid up--broken leg, etc.
Difficult feeding critters by myself.
Also, I get kinda bored and could use a little company.
Wife will be gone end of week, unable to assist.
Would someone want to come hang out, maybe help feed critters, etc.?
Maybe develop a friendship, maybe more later...
Kind of an odd post, but thought I'd throw it out there.
If somebody responds, it will be better than hobbling around trying to get things done--lol.
BTW--if it matters, I'm easy on the eyes, and not overweight
Want 2 B my skinlamp?

Well Ladies i am fresh market after 9 long years!!!! - 30 (Rantoul Il)

Well ok ladies my name is Mike. I am thirty yrs old and i just got out of a 9 yr relationship and i have no idea where to begin. i am looking for someone to show me that there is still happyiness out there. Well i guess other than that if you have question just ask. sorry about the pic yes it is my x and we are not together anymore. i have lost wieght since then but it is the only pic i currently have.

Hi Mike! You should meet the crop tool. Also, I note you didn't say *divorced* so...where are your wife and kids? Hmmm....

Sexy interracial couple at church (church in champaign)

I shook your hands at church this morning, but don't recall seeing you before. You appeared to be a couple and are a nice looking black man and a white BBW. If there's any possibility you two are open to a threesome, write back. We can exchange more information to find out if we are the ones who met. I'm a fit attractive white guy who is great at massage and straight but orally bi. We could have a lot of fun together if you're up for it.
Uh...scoping threesome material at *church* seems like a huge FAIL but that's probably just me. And wtf is "orally bi"? You give blowjobs but aren't gay? Or...you let guys blow you?

into nudism seeking female - m4w - 41 (central IL)

I enjoy clothes free lifestyle on weekends visiting nudist resorts across Midwest. One thing is missing and that I would like to have a female companion go with me. If you want a perfect all body tan and fun in the sun the come with me to various places in IL, IN, MI, MO, or WI to be a nudist.

I am divorced and not seeking sexual relationships.
OMG SCORE! Also, bringing a female with you to the nudist resorts will probably help cut down on the creeper factor. At least...a little.


Leighann of Multi-Minding Mom said...

It puts the lotion in the basket.

Those are wrong on so many levels. Why on earth would you put a photo of your kids in a singles ad?

Angie said...

this is a first. i CANNOT decide which is a bigger fail-- the family pic or claiming to be "orally bi."

hmmmm. am really stumped.

it never occurred to be to try and pick up some threesome action at church.

Gamera said...

I think the "orally bi" is really ambiguous and confusing.

Gnightgirl said...

Howled at "Mike, meet the crop tool." Even then don't you love the photos with spouse's arm/shoulder/hair still in them after the crop?

Gamera said...

@Gnightgirl: Using pics with random arms or hair remaining does seem...questionable. Probably *less* questionable than leaving them in, though. :D