This is why you're single: Looking for love locally

So...today we have a bunch of catching up to do with our series This Is Why You're Single. Our doggedly determined correspondent, moongrrl, was on vacay for a while but upon her return to the grind, she discovered these gems from the local Craigslist. First off, we have a gentleman looking to feed his critters. Wink wink nudge nudge.
assistance? - 47 (Champ County)

I live in a farmhouse w outbldgs, peaceful setting, have cats and dogs, dish tv, ac, etc.
Kind of laid up--broken leg, etc.
Difficult feeding critters by myself.
Also, I get kinda bored and could use a little company.
Wife will be gone end of week, unable to assist.
Would someone want to come hang out, maybe help feed critters, etc.?
Maybe develop a friendship, maybe more later...
Kind of an odd post, but thought I'd throw it out there.
If somebody responds, it will be better than hobbling around trying to get things done--lol.
BTW--if it matters, I'm easy on the eyes, and not overweight
Want 2 B my skinlamp?

Well Ladies i am fresh market after 9 long years!!!! - 30 (Rantoul Il)

Well ok ladies my name is Mike. I am thirty yrs old and i just got out of a 9 yr relationship and i have no idea where to begin. i am looking for someone to show me that there is still happyiness out there. Well i guess other than that if you have question just ask. sorry about the pic yes it is my x and we are not together anymore. i have lost wieght since then but it is the only pic i currently have.

Hi Mike! You should meet the crop tool. Also, I note you didn't say *divorced* so...where are your wife and kids? Hmmm....

Sexy interracial couple at church (church in champaign)

I shook your hands at church this morning, but don't recall seeing you before. You appeared to be a couple and are a nice looking black man and a white BBW. If there's any possibility you two are open to a threesome, write back. We can exchange more information to find out if we are the ones who met. I'm a fit attractive white guy who is great at massage and straight but orally bi. We could have a lot of fun together if you're up for it.
Uh...scoping threesome material at *church* seems like a huge FAIL but that's probably just me. And wtf is "orally bi"? You give blowjobs but aren't gay? Or...you let guys blow you?

into nudism seeking female - m4w - 41 (central IL)

I enjoy clothes free lifestyle on weekends visiting nudist resorts across Midwest. One thing is missing and that I would like to have a female companion go with me. If you want a perfect all body tan and fun in the sun the come with me to various places in IL, IN, MI, MO, or WI to be a nudist.

I am divorced and not seeking sexual relationships.
OMG SCORE! Also, bringing a female with you to the nudist resorts will probably help cut down on the creeper factor. At least...a little.


Anonymous said...

It puts the lotion in the basket.

Those are wrong on so many levels. Why on earth would you put a photo of your kids in a singles ad?

Angie said...

this is a first. i CANNOT decide which is a bigger fail-- the family pic or claiming to be "orally bi."

hmmmm. am really stumped.

it never occurred to be to try and pick up some threesome action at church.

Gamera said...

I think the "orally bi" is really ambiguous and confusing.

Gnightgirl said...

Howled at "Mike, meet the crop tool." Even then don't you love the photos with spouse's arm/shoulder/hair still in them after the crop?

Gamera said...

@Gnightgirl: Using pics with random arms or hair remaining does seem...questionable. Probably *less* questionable than leaving them in, though. :D